Celebrity Thanatopsis 2010

Casey Johnson, 30, heiress to Johnson & Same,
A preventative accident was to blame
Paula Sladewski, a Playboy Playmate,
Short star of a mag to masturbate
A god among clay, Art Clokey,
Molded Gumby and Pokey

Teddy Pendergrass, the musical romancer,
Was taken away thanks to colon cancer
Jay Reatard, died from liquor and cocaine,
Goner Records, posted in refrain
Daisuke Gouri voiced many a man
Hercule in the US, Mr. Satan in Japan
Who "ran for the border" away from hell?
The name is simple, it's simply Glen Bell

Pernell Roberts, quashed NBC hate,
Was on Bonanza, did not resuscitate
Zelda Rubinstein, the psychic lady, eerie,
Passed away on one night dreary
J.D. Salinger, wrote Catcher in the Rye,
Movies can now be made, since he did die

Howard Zinn, champion for equality and the meek,
Died poolside, but "The People Speak"
Jack Brisco, wrestler abroad,
Now in the Wrestling Hall of Fame,
So please applaud

Captain Phil of the Cornelia Marie,
Died of heart attack, in-port from the sea
Charlie Wilson, a senator quite sleazy,
Lived life to the fullest,
His lady was breezy,

Fred Morrison, joins Heaven's roof
Inventor of the Frisbee, but not aloof
John Murtha, Democratic Marine,
Backed Hillary for the American dream
Luger Nodar Kumaritashvili, had a new role,
Resting in the clouds for going 90 into a pole

Alexander Haig, Sec of State,
At times he seemed a secular reprobate
Andrew Koenig, no longer a loner,
Resting in Heaven, but still called "Boner"
Tom Walk, bassist for Hall & Oates,
Heart attacks can be thwarted with Quaker Oats
Don Kent, Boston's first TV weatherman,
Died near home, not in Japan


Angelo Poffo, father of wrestlers,
"Six-thousand situps?!,"
would exclaim some addressors
Corey Haim, 80's star
Dead from medical misaim
Peter Graves, heart attack was cause of death,
Gruff leader of the IMF
Robert Culp, I Spy and The Greatest American Hero,
Passed on when coronary strength reached zero
Nujabes, Dj of Samurai Champloo
His death involved a Subaru

Jaime Alfonso Escalante Gutierrez,
Calculus teacher of Stand and Deliver
Died seeking treatment for his narrowing river
Dick Giordano, DC fixture and inker,
Less frequent than cancer,
Pneumonia's a stinker
John Forsythe, Bachelor Father,
And oil tycoon of Dynasty
Complications from pneumonia,
Another taken by such nasty
Who betta den Chris Kanyon,
From this earthly realm he did abandon

Lech Kaczynski, president of Poland,
Plane crash avoided the high
And hit the lowland
Munchkin Coroner from The Wizard of Oz,
Is truly, sincerely passed on,
There's no need for gauze
Dixie Carter, Julia Sugarbaker,
Either name you want, was taken by cancer
Peter Steele is gone, said the coroner,
Heart failure took the universal donor

Gene Kiniski, former NWA World Champ
Canada's Greatest Athlete left many faces damp
Carl Macek, man behind Robotech and Spumco,
Despite that, also produced the first dub of Totoro
Daryl Gates, denied his heavenly namesake,
Mayor of LA during the Rodney King peace break
Lynn Redgrave, died from breast cancer
Awesome actress, quite the romancer

Jack Friedman, creator of Jakks, LJN, and THQ,
I used to have wrestler figures,
How bout you?
Umaru Yar'Adua, Nigerian Prez,
Heart problems prevents him from a rez
Lena Horne, black diva of song
Lived to 92, very long.
Frank Frazetta, master of fictional brushstroke,
When the heart gave out, his body just broke
Ronnie James Dio, god of rock,
Ozzie lives longer, what a shock


Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon Monjack
Found dead at home, COD: anemiac
Slipknot's Paul Gray,
Masked musician of the day
They buried his body up on a hill,
COD: morphine and fentanyl
Art Linkletter, no one better than
A comic host from Saskatchewan
Gary Coleman, had similar strokes
To some of the others among these folks
Yet another cancer loss was Dennis Hopper,
Famous for "Mommy" and Koopa,
What a whopper!

Rue McClanahan, Golden Girl
Stroke took her spirit for a heavenly whirl
Character actor Richard Dunn-y,
My condolences but Tim & Eric ain't funny
Jimmy Dean of song and sausage
Headin on up fer an angel massage
Al Williamson, inker mostly for Flash Gordon,
In Heaven with Frazetta,
Drawing Greedo first shot by Han

Take by horrible disease, Manute Bol
Tall-ass player of basketball
Harvey Pekar, comic artist and writor
Underground comic,
Handled American Splendor
George Steinbrenner, owner of the NY Yankees
No facial hair keeps away the fleas
Ted Stevens, Alaskan senator dead by plane crash,
His favorite catch phrase? "Hulk SMASH!"
Lance McNaught, wrestler of WWE
Heart failure took the Code that was he

Satoshi Kon, anime director and,
Gertrude Vashon, Luna Vachon
Had varying magnitudes of fame,
And now both are gon
Robert Schimmel, comedian extraordinaire
Dead in car crash, despite bags of air
Mike Edwards, founder of E-L-O,
Dead by giant bale of hay, Whoa
Glen Shaddix, died of a fall in his home,
Enhance your calm by chanting "Ohm"

Klondike Mike Shaw, Bastion Booger, or Makhan Singh
Whatever the name, heart attack took him from the ring
UHF's RJ Fletcher, Kevin McCarthy,
Major character actor, of skin tone non-swarthy
Jim Heselden, died on atop a device,
Segued 3 mph off a cliff, without any ice.
Greg Giraldo, comedian dead, drug overdose'd
Hosted many of Comedy Central's celebrity roasts
Tony Curtis, over a hundred roles,
That's quite a lot,
Among them Some Like It Hot

Jorge Gonzales might have eaten his Wheaties,
But huge size and sugar lead to diabetes
Stephen J. Cannell, ace of pen and panel,
TV sign-offs included typing amid a mantle
Barbara Billingsley, happenned to speak jive
Dodged June's cleaver,
Before October, she was alive

Benoit Mandelbrot, father of fractal geometry,
"He did lots of math," said the psychometry
Tom Bosley, gnome and TV patrician,
Died of lung cancer, where was the physician?
Bob lotsa names Guccione, founded Penthouse,
Failed as a businessman, cancer took the louse
Ari Up, was put into the ground Down,
That event surely gave John Lydon a frown
Anime writer Takeshi Shudo,
Handled pokemon and created Minky Momo

At Charlie O'Donnell's funeral,
The priest at the altar,
Delivered the service as usual,
Then showed off "A Brand. New. Car!"
Yoshinobu Nishizaki, anime icon founder
Drowned at sea,
When his heart began to flounder
Living to 91 was Dino De Laurentiis,
Producer of Blue Velvet, Conan,
And Death Wish

Leslie Nielsen, sad but an easy writ,
The legend is Dead and (likely) Loving It
Irvin Kershner, big film honcho
Directed Star Wars Episodes Seis y Cinco
Former Cowboys quarterback,"Dandy" Don Meredith,
Foil to Howard Cosell, now under a stone monolith
Canadian media man Mark Dailey,
The voice of Toronto, body of CityTV
Two Edwardsses near the end,
Smelled Death's aroma
Elizabeth from cancer,
And Blake from penumonia
Captain Beefheart, artistic prodigy,
Might be Safe as Milk, with Electricity